awake

I am awake. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just hungry. Maybe I should be praying. Maybe I should eat, and then pray, but what am I praying for? For a friend who wants to love I guess. To love the lord God with all his heart, mind, soul, power. For wisdom.

cyn·i·cism  (sn-szm)n.1. An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others:

'The root of all sin is the suspicion that God is not good.'

~Oswald Chambers

Cynicism does not bring us any closer to God; if we are to love and have faith we must have childlike hearts. Cynics do not have childlike hearts. We have hard hearts, and hard heads, and we like it that way. That is not godly. It does not protect your heart or your head. It does not save you anguish or fear or anxiety. It gives Satan a foothold. I'm not talking about doubt, I am talking about persistent desire to disbelieve. An unwillingness to believe anything without proof.

Mark 9:23-24

And Jesus said to him, “ ‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.” 

I say with the boy's father "I do believe; help my unbelief."

counting pearls

I count pearls and prepare to bake buns.
I am a most excellent baker woman
“These eggs just jump up and slap you in the face.” F.J.
What set off the sea change?
Time for sleep
Just start writing
mama, I'm drinking ginger pu'erh tea
Are we corn people?
out of service area interruption
Oh Captain Jack...
writing, supposed to be writing
Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister
yes, I have a Buffy bookmark in my Bible
Bam! That was an I'm an excellent writer woman bam...i want more tea
what's happening? what's going on? i need to know.
dripping tea on my white skirt
flying queen moths, Moth-Ra!
wait- flying queen ant
ants open peonies, without them, you'd never get a bloom.
if i just leave facebook open I'll probably check it less frequently...
go back to the beginning, work the land and walk around naked without shame
I kind of want to be Amish
I love punctuation
back up
back up
back up
excited!
writing writing writing
I have a duty to farm.
I would really like some tea now.
I'm supposed to be done now.
I'm on the home stretch
!
my mind is fried
can I do it?
75 more words...

doubt

 "Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself."

~Miguel de Unamuno

artful compostion of magnetic poetry 3

devour her warm & moist eye

fat & joy ful

delicious

blush explore

dirt

squirm

blaze

soft laugh

universe home stream

caramel

champagne steam

linger  breath

melon bellow  morning

animal  know  flower

ocean eternity of

throb

smoke

deep red

celebrate ferocious  sex

(co-written with Anahid Adjemian and Malek Yalaoui)

artful compostion of magnetic poetry 2

ghost cat growl s

trust less

hard heart ed

listen girl child

question

wake

like

desire

soft

steel

woman

look at dark glass

as if translucent

free

Unfilled Prescription

Difficulty is
hard.


Unbucked up, walk-
ing as if


moving, boots-
traps tucked.


Birds chin up,
drill.


Love
cupped
around a glint.

~Susan Holbrook
from Joy Is So Exhausting

Measures

Using the right weight or measure is so important, is so vital that it permeates the old and the new testament. How we measure situations, how we measure others reflects on us. Fear and safety should not be our measure. Love should be our measure. Wisdom is a part of this, but wisdom is not love. To love sacrificially is not always wise. You will be hurt. You will hurt others. To love is to be vulnerable.

Some verses I have been reflecting on.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

Exodus 16:17-19

 ¹⁷ The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. ¹⁸ And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed.

 ¹⁹ Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.” 

Deuteronomy 25:13-15

 ¹³ Do not have two differing weights in your bag—one heavy, one light. ¹⁴ Do not have two differing measures in your house—one large, one small. ¹⁵ You must have accurate and honest weights and measures, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. 

Proverbs 20:9-11

 ⁹ Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure;
   I am clean and without sin”?

 ¹⁰ Differing weights and differing measures—
   the LORD detests them both.

 ¹¹ Even a child is known by his actions,
   by whether his conduct is pure and right. 

Mark 4:23-25

²³ If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.” ²⁴ “Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more. ²⁵ Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.”

Luke 6:37-38  

³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Ephesians 3:18-20

¹⁸ may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
 ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 

  

lost

No comfort from words. No comfort from monks. Not moms or hooch, no comfort. Dolor forms sorrow, prolongs lost fog. Womb forsook, bosom shook. Blood. No hold on tomorrow.  Oh God, how? How to comfort, how to show sorrow, pool sorrow? No words of comfort. Don’t! Tomb soon. How long? Tomorrow. Croon songs of sorrow. Howl.

The awful grace of God

In our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom though the awful grace of God.

~Aeshylys

Petrichor

I’m in the desert

The camel is dead.

I killed her.

I’ve hidden in her bones;

The wind is rising.

I’m trapped in her bones.

Is there enough flesh

Left to save mine?

The storm comes.

I can smell water

The moon rises;

Her love fills my bones,

And I flow like water

Out to sea.