Some days I don't feel connected to my body at all. I feel like it's not mine, or like it is just a suit my self is wearing. That is not the truth. I want to learn to not only appreciate my form, which, mostly I do, but to actually feel like my body is mine, as in part of my whole self. I want to treat my body with as much respect as I treat my spirit or my soul, because after all, my body houses the Holy Spirit. I want to live in it with comfort and grace, to feel connected enough to be able to offer it as a sacrifice daily.
Some days I feel like all I am is breasts. And hips. This is also not true, but this is part of the problem. I try to take up less space, be less noticeable. I've spent so much time caring what other people thought of my body, worrying that I was showing too much or not enough, hating my body, learning to love my body, learning to not care, that in some ways I've just shut that connection down. I am not my body, because my body hurts people, causes people to lust, and I don't want to hurt people. I am not my body because you think it is ugly and I don't want to be ugly, or too sexy, or... That is not the truth. The truth is I am my body and I have to learn to live in it. Trying to distance myself from my breasts is not the answer. Letting somebody else determine what my appropriate body is cannot be part of the answer.