Thursday, 5 December 2013

Advent Meditation: a ghazal

purposeful silence awaiting night
candles lit, gyring, spiralling light

small starts, specks of dust and breath misty
Mother Mary’s womb creating light

walking between faewilds and Christ
closest to God in the witching light

proclaim, proclaim, proclaim! come in
stillness, memory-carrying light

anxiety, embodied litany
catharsis, release, outpouring, light

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Letting go

I am finishing a ten day cleanse today. It feels like a great accomplishment, and at the same time just the first step. I've been trying to let go of the idea that my body is something to be feared and to be more holistic in my approach to my body. By that I mean that my self is made up of both body and mind, and I'm working towards recognising that and living as though that were true.

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

bad poetry of sadness

Some days I cry easy and some days it's all I do,
but then there are dry weeks and months
all the sadness burns my throat, a desert
of tears.

Some weeks I drown
Some weeks I perish

Some weeks I am joyful.

Sunday, 19 May 2013

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

on disconnecting

I feel the loss
of facebook less
than twitter

I want the quick and easy

Especially when attempting
to express grand
ideas in a tiny format.

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Palm Sunday Reflections

There is something so lovely about light
something unphotographable
so unwordable
something about the Word
made flesh
made light
and life

I will mark ash
I will wave palms
I will rejoice

that he is triumphant
that he is risen
that he will come


and I remember
whenever the light is lovely.

Thursday, 21 February 2013

finding old words

I was going over my finished journal to glean any tidbits of poetry or knowledge before I pack it away, and I found some words I had written to myself, some words I think may not have been my words.

You have a choice Catherine, you can choose to be anxious or you can choose to trust God. This is not the last time you will be offered this choice, nor is it the first. You have failed and you will fail again, but you have also succeeded and you will succeed again.

You have known the kindness of God, continue to search it out. Search for the heart of God. Do not be afraid, know that God is good. He is justice and mercy, he is holy. He desires your heart more than you know, more that you imagine or are willing to believe.

Your heart is beautiful, it is created by God, known by Him, loved by Him. There is more right with your heart than you know, and it's not up to you to decide what is wrong with it. Trust God to shape it as He wishes. Do as He says. Trust that it will result in your good, even if you can't see it right away. Trust that you have His spirit in you, that you can hear Him. Listen to that small still voice inside you.

Tuesday, 5 February 2013


Some days I don't feel connected to my body at all. I feel like it's not mine, or like it is just a suit my self is wearing. That is not the truth. I want to learn to not only appreciate my form, which, mostly I do, but to actually feel like my body is mine, as in part of my whole self. I want to treat my body with as much respect as I treat my spirit or my soul, because after all, my body houses the Holy Spirit. I want to live in it with comfort and grace, to feel connected enough to be able to offer it as a sacrifice daily.

Some days I feel like all I am is breasts. And hips. This is also not true, but this is part of the problem. I try to take up less space, be less noticeable. I've spent so much time caring what other people thought of my body, worrying that I was showing too much or not enough, hating my body, learning to love my body, learning to not care, that in some ways I've just shut that connection down. I am not my body, because my body hurts people, causes people to lust, and I don't want to hurt people. I am not my body because you think it is ugly and I don't want to be ugly, or too sexy, or... That is not the truth. The truth is I am my body and I have to learn to live in it. Trying to distance myself from my breasts is not the answer. Letting somebody else determine what my appropriate body is cannot be part of the answer.

Sunday, 6 January 2013

One Word 2013

I've been debating whether or not to take up this idea this year, and I still haven't decided. Maybe because I can't choose one word. I've thought of rest, speak, listen, and prophet so far, and I think they are all connected--which is maybe why I'm having such a hard time picking one. Anybody have any thoughts?

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

New Year

My resolution for 2013 is to get past the surface of my daily thoughts; to get down to the depths of honesty where my heart is dark and broken, and to see what is growing in the cracks like dandelions through a city sidewalk.