One Word 2013

I've been debating whether or not to take up this idea this year, and I still haven't decided. Maybe because I can't choose one word. I've thought of rest, speak, listen, and prophet so far, and I think they are all connected--which is maybe why I'm having such a hard time picking one. Anybody have any thoughts?

http://oneword365.com/

modesty in a Christian context

A letter from the women of Providence, my church, on the topic of modesty.

I have struggled with the concept of modesty quite a lot, believing that it is primarily a humble attitude in a person, not limited to the clothing women wear, and I'm so proud of the women in this church for the stand they are taking.

preparing for Lent

     I know, Lent is still pretty far away, but it is one of my favourite Christian traditions. It has been since I read about it in a book many many moons ago, when I was about 14. I start planning what I'm going to give up months in advance. I relish the idea of the upcoming sacrifice. That probably says something about me, that I like to give something up only for a defined period of time. I'm great at it usually, provided that it is something concrete--say junk food, not my snooze button. (The snooze button experiment of 2000-something was a definite failure.) This year I've been trying to identify what would be the most beneficial thing to give up, and I'm thinking it won't be something concrete. I'm thinking it will be harder. I'm thinking that what I'm going to try to give up is the fear of man, their perceptions of me, or least my perception of their perceptions. I'm thinking that the idea behind Lent isn't just to sacrifice something, or to relish the feeling of asceticism I get, but rather to take the time to look at what is holding me back from Jesus, and to let go of that, to focus my eyes upon Jesus. And I'm also thinking, why wait?
   
    If I know that this is a stumbling block for me, and it is, why wait? I spend far too much time being paralyzed by how people will react, and often that fear stops me from acting at all. It wraps me up in my head, imagining their judgement, their disapproval, and beating myself up with it. And that needs to stop. The only judgement I should be concerning myself with is God's.

like noses

and my heart is broken

and broken

and broken

and I wonder if hearts are like noses

that need to be broken

to be straitened

to be righted

and I know, oh I know

that my heart

will be broken again

on my own

wickedness

and I hope, oh I hope

that my heart

will be broken again

on God’s love

What I've been reading

^{Psalm 51:10}  Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right^[b] spirit within me.
¹¹  Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit.

^{Acts 3: 19}  Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, ²⁰ that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus.

^{II Chronicles 30: 13} And many people came together in Jerusalem to keep the Feast of Unleavened Bread in the second month, a very great assembly. ¹⁴ They set to work and removed the altars that were in Jerusalem, and all the altars for burning incense they took away and threw into the brook Kidron. ¹⁵  And they slaughtered the Passover lamb on the fourteenth day of the second month. And the priests and the Levites were ashamed, so that they consecrated themselves and brought burnt offerings into the house of the Lord. ¹⁶  They took their accustomed posts according to the Law of Moses the man of God. The priests threw the blood that they received from the hand of the Levites. ¹⁷ For there were many in the assembly who had not consecrated themselves. Therefore the Levites had to slaughter the Passover lamb for everyone who was not clean, to consecrate it to the Lord. ¹⁸ For a majority of the people, many of them from Ephraim, Manasseh, Issachar, and Zebulun, had not cleansed themselves, yet they ate the Passover otherwise than as prescribed. For Hezekiah had prayed for them, saying, “May the good Lord pardon everyone ¹⁹  who sets his heart to seek God, the Lord, the God of his fathers, even though not according to the sanctuary's rules of cleanness.”^{[a] 20} And the Lord heard Hezekiah and healed the people. ²¹ And the people of Israel who were present at Jerusalem kept the Feast of Unleavened Bread seven days with great gladness, and the Levites and the priests praised the Lord day by day, singing with all their might^[b] to the Lord. ²² And Hezekiah spoke encouragingly to all the Levites who showed good skill in the service of the Lord. So they ate the food of the festival for seven days, sacrificing peace offerings and giving thanks to the Lord, the God of their fathers.
²³ Then the whole assembly agreed together to keep the feast for another seven days. So they kept it for another seven days with gladness.

the mystery of seed

the mystery of seed
hidden in the dark
recesses of damp earth
somehow feels the warmth
of the sun far above
and sprouts
shoots up
we know not how

Like an owl among the ruins

Your spirit, O Lord,
has settled inside me
like an owl among the ruins.
Myself a sanctuary
that Your presence redeems.

Hope's feather flutters
softly inside my chest

Your spirit, O Lord,
has settled inside me
like an owl among the ruins
and begun the lifelong work
of my sanctification

Your Word
magnified
upon my skin

Your spirit, O Lord,
has settled inside me
like an owl in its glory.
Myself a sanctuary
that You have made.

I am not always right, but

But sometimes, I don't think that matters as much as me trying to understand. It hurts when our conclusions are wrong, when we are wrong and when people see that. I get defensive, I hold strongly to my positions, because they are mine. That is something that I need to give up.

I may come to some wrong conclusions, but as long as I don't set them in stone, as long as they aren't the bedrock of my faith, there is grace. The bedrock of our faith must remain God -Father, Son, Spirit- but I have to think through things, pour water and see if they hold, build on them and see if they wobble, be willing to change my ideas. I have been wrong. I have been wrong often, and I've changed my mind and my story so many times I've lost count. But, as I've come to know Christ he shows me where I am tilting, where there is water leaking through, where I've tried to pour new wine into old wine skins. I am not a theologian, I do not have the answers. All I can do is try to understand, with my limited knowledge, in partnership with the Holy Spirit that is in me -and does know all things. We get glimpses, all of us, of God: his nature, his love for us, his joy in us, and his sadness and disappointment. What we do with those glimpses, well, that is another story.

blushing flowers

Every time the season changes it hits me again, this deep roiling rumbling in my heart and spirit. I always think I need to plan my alone time as well as my community time. Especially in the changing seasons time. And then Mari comes down and plays the piano while I am reading and writing and it is just honey to my spirit.People always say you learn the most from trouble and suffering and pain. And I think that might be true. We also learn the most from loving and being loved. Being vulnerable is never easy work to do, never easy to be always open, to not fear that others will hurt you, to not try to protect yourself. The thing is, protecting yourself is exhausting. When you stop trying, when you let God do it you have so much more brain space, so much more energy, so much more love.

awake

I am awake. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just hungry. Maybe I should be praying. Maybe I should eat, and then pray, but what am I praying for? For a friend who wants to love I guess. To love the lord God with all his heart, mind, soul, power. For wisdom.

cyn·i·cism  (sn-szm)n.1. An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others:

'The root of all sin is the suspicion that God is not good.'

~Oswald Chambers

Cynicism does not bring us any closer to God; if we are to love and have faith we must have childlike hearts. Cynics do not have childlike hearts. We have hard hearts, and hard heads, and we like it that way. That is not godly. It does not protect your heart or your head. It does not save you anguish or fear or anxiety. It gives Satan a foothold. I'm not talking about doubt, I am talking about persistent desire to disbelieve. An unwillingness to believe anything without proof.

Mark 9:23-24

And Jesus said to him, “ ‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.” 

I say with the boy's father "I do believe; help my unbelief."

doubt

 "Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God idea, not God Himself."

~Miguel de Unamuno

Measures

Using the right weight or measure is so important, is so vital that it permeates the old and the new testament. How we measure situations, how we measure others reflects on us. Fear and safety should not be our measure. Love should be our measure. Wisdom is a part of this, but wisdom is not love. To love sacrificially is not always wise. You will be hurt. You will hurt others. To love is to be vulnerable.

Some verses I have been reflecting on.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

Exodus 16:17-19

 ¹⁷ The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. ¹⁸ And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed.

 ¹⁹ Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.” 

Deuteronomy 25:13-15

 ¹³ Do not have two differing weights in your bag—one heavy, one light. ¹⁴ Do not have two differing measures in your house—one large, one small. ¹⁵ You must have accurate and honest weights and measures, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. 

Proverbs 20:9-11

 ⁹ Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure;
   I am clean and without sin”?

 ¹⁰ Differing weights and differing measures—
   the LORD detests them both.

 ¹¹ Even a child is known by his actions,
   by whether his conduct is pure and right. 

Mark 4:23-25

²³ If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.” ²⁴ “Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more. ²⁵ Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.”

Luke 6:37-38  

³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Ephesians 3:18-20

¹⁸ may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
 ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 

  

The awful grace of God

In our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom though the awful grace of God.

~Aeshylys